Enjoying our children

'Homeschooling is about enjoying your children'.
I read this recently, it was the last line in a post about taking it slow, giving our best, doing our own inner work and not giving up on this journey of home educating our kids. It made me wonder how much am I enjoying my kids? Why not more? Why not ALL the time? I mean look at them...really look at them, they are unique, amazing individuals full of life and love.
Ahhh, why do I get so bogged down with.. stuff. OK, sleeplessness yes that could have something to do with it but sometimes i think we can get too close. Our heads are down to the ground and all we see is the dirt. Where is the warmth of the sun, the light that comes with such freedom to have our kids at home with us, teaching them with how we see fitting in with their needs and our families focus.
As we go through our day I will often bump up against 'no, I'm not doing that' or 'do I have to? Why do I always get the harder jobs? Its so unfair!' etc, etc. And its not that I don't realise that this is par for the course of parenting. It's just some days after a looong day I kind a get a little narky about it, you know? I can get into the old & tired ways of thinking that make my responses short & sharp. This is not who I want to be nor who I actually am. So why? Why some days am I not enjoying my children? Why does it just seem so hard?
I think that in having my children home with me, there is alot of pressure, not much room to move when things get tight. If I resist rather than listen to whats happening in my heart and mind, in my children's hearts and minds the general flow of the day can get blocked up and bogged down. The more I try to control the day and the children the less joy surrounds.
Leading through the day with an open heart and mind, letting go as bumps in the road are encountered, guiding and supporting through hurts and conflicts and all the while allowing my own heart to be moulded and shaped through the process is a work of constant balance.
When I yield to the the craziness, happenings and general difficulties of home educating our four children , the rhythm that's in place steers us through the day and its a very simple process. Its no where near as 'hard' as I sometimes believe. At those times I'm probably pushing too hard, trying to control the outcomes, make this home school into the picture in my head. In doing this I'm actually inhibiting it to be all I truly desire and, a place where hearts and minds can flourish. To flourish- to be free.
Letting go is so liberating but it takes faith and courage and some days I'm low on both. But I'm practising. I'm slowly getting it. And I believe that's when one of the true gifts of home educating my kids is given- enjoying these four unique people. Living simply, learning and loving together.
I hope and pray that I am mindful that they are with us for such a short time and even though some days are so long the time with them isn't in the light of the big picture and I never want to wish back. I know I probably will but today is what I've been given why waste it on the things I can't control? Faith and courage. May this be yours too on whatever journey you are traveling on.