Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Monday, November 28, 2011

sleepless nights, anxious thoughts

Another Sleepless Night
I'm turning in my bed
long before the red sun rises.
In these early hours
I'm falling again
into the river of my worries.

When the river runs away
I find a Shelter in Your Name:
JESUS...only Light on the shore,
Only Hope in the Storm.
Jesus, let me fly to Your Side
There I would hide, JESUS.

Hear my anxious Prayer
The beating of my Heart
The pulse and the measure of my unbelief
Speak Your Words to me
before I come apart
Help me BELIEVE in what I cannot see
Before the river runs away
I will call upon Your Name:
JESUS...only Light on the shore
Only Hope in the Storm
Jesus, let me fly to Your Side
There I would hide, Jesus.

song by Fernando Ortega

Friday, November 25, 2011

Thursday, November 24, 2011

and so it begins

the newness
the milky smell
on me on babies
the finally getting to put head on pillow
yet it was just five minutes and I'm up again
the washing piles getting higher each day
the gazing into those windows of the soul
as they start to be awake a little bit more each day
the relearning of so many things
but oh how it all does come back
and yes I'm more confident than I realized I would be
the worries
are they getting enough milk
why are they so windy
am I eating something that causes it
the skin still looks a little yellow
the unspeakable joy
she's looking at me Mama!
soft skin on my skin
I'll get the wipes for you Mama!
the windy smiles
the little clenched fists around my finger
the open, eager mouth searching for Mama's sustenance

despite this being the fifth (and sixth) time it's all new and I'm
marveling at the wonder of birth and new life

Saturday, November 12, 2011

They Arrived - 10 November 2011

Ryder James - he is on right
Ruby Grace - 23 minutes later

Sunday, November 6, 2011

right now

I am :

~ waiting for these babies and hoping they will be sooner rather than later
~ treading slowly through the days as I get bigger and movement becomes more difficult
~ writing lists and lists- baby needs, house jobs, errands to be done, Xmas, animals chores, cleaning jobs and it goes on.
~ suddenly aware of how little I have in preparation for two new little ones soon to join our family
~ having bouts of wide-awakeness at night (and so mentally making more lists)
~ grateful that husband is able to be home more
~ trying to yield to what is and where life is at and let go of all that I haven't or won't be able to get done before babies
~ so happy with my new purchase for our newly relocated bedroom
~ feeling rich from the love and ease of spending a weekend with the best girls ever.
~ eating oranges, fresh juices, berries, and tomato and cheese on corn thins
~ waking up to the sound of our white silky rooster
~ thinking of ways to spend some special time with my oldest three before the babies arrive- cups of tea and a movie, snuggles in bed with a book, stay-up-late night...any other ideas?
~ missing terribly the closeness of friends
~ watching the garden come to life after the hard work of one very special lady
~ wishing for a magic wand that would clean and organize this busy home 

~ enjoying the talent of our 11 yr old as he cooks yumminess for us: this one is apple and berry pie
~ and here are more right now's around here....

Saturday, November 5, 2011

November: oh my!

This month is as full as it could be.

the kids have many projects to finish, presentations to make, dances to practice.
there are end of year gatherings
a 12 year old boy birthday party to organise & celebrate
and of course the very obvious around here- two babies to welcome into our midst
(every day the children ask-'will it be today Mama?')
and then there is the normal- laundry, food, general house tidy, outside work to be done

 Although lately I have been anxious and worried about all the unknowns ahead today I feel surrendered and as the balmy summer breeze caresses my face I know someone greater has it all under control and I am resting in that knowledge.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

right now

 I'm SO over it.

(36 weeks with twins)