Tuesday, July 15, 2008

losing the way

Sometimes i feel like I'm standing outside of this life I'm living gazing in and wondering who the hell is that person?
Sometimes the voices in my head don't make any sense and I can't sift through the real, the felt and the just plain ugly.
Sometimes the distance between who I am and who I want to be is actually laughable to the point of tears.
Sometimes the who I was and the where I'm from comes back to slap me in the face.
Sometimes the bickering over rubbers, the battles over just about everything, the baby with her stool that gets her up to that which should be out of reach, the hitting, the fussing, the screaming, the "you cooked that cause you want me to die" causes something to snap and regret to make its home in this heart.
Sometimes the responsibility of raising these four beautiful beings weighs so heavy that I simply cave under it all.
Sometimes I feel like I'm pretending.
Sometimes I lose my way.

Lord please help me find you and find me...


Amy Wilkens said...

Hang in there! We all feel that way sometimes!

M-Joy said...

'How does one become a butterfly?' she asked pensively.
'You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar'.
Trina Paulus 'hope for the flowers'

Grace and love even at our lowest, that is what our friendship means to me..praying for you

earthkissed said...

*giant hug* can't believe I missed these hard times. You are so beautiful.