Friday, May 20, 2011

the house feels empty

Some days my heart hurts so much. It's usually the days when I've managed to have no errands in town or no appointments at the school and I'm sitting in this big empty house. It's not really empty, there's Missy and Tommy, BJ, the chicks and the ducks ouside. It just feels empty. Its so quiet. I can hear strange creaks from the walls as if the house is talking. I hear the washing machine spinning the clothes to their death. A tap drips. I miss them.
I look up and see them in the frame and I wonder why, oh, why did I send them to school?!
This place begs for activity and creative pursuits, crazy running around and read alouds in front of the fire. Now that they are at school I feel I don't have time for any of that. I'm barely managing to make sure they have a clean uniform. Problems are cropping up that we never had to face when they were at home. So much is out of my control. The child who is so much more swayed that I realized, the other one who is so tired they aren't there usual easy going self, and the eagerness for the little one, only four, to be like the big kids.
It certainly  not all bad, there is so much goodness abounding for them. I just have these days sometimes. I miss them.


Susan (HomeGrownKids) said...

Oh Skye, I'm sorry to hear that you feel empty... although I have felt that at times when I've had the house to myself although not for extended periods of time.

I know well the tiredness that can come from school... but you know what? My teen daughter who went to school was also tired. It's just a part of life- being out and about all day.

Keep going, one foot in front of the other each day. You'll be making memories and tying strong cords of love between you all.


Erin said...

Oh Skye, {{}}

Skye said...

Thankyou Ladies, these are moments that come and go and a little bit more around at the moment as we face some issues that go with public school. I really miss homeschooling but also love the quiet moments. thanks for your compassion. XX

Anonymous said...

Oh Skye, it's good to read feelings from "the other side" - I sometimes yearn for a quiet house, at times I struggle to imagine missing my kids, wonder where the quiet moments are!! I know it must be a HUGE adjustment for you all, but thank you for writing your thoughts and bringing me back towards centre again (at least until the next disagreement erupts).

As Susan said, one minute/hour/day at a time and you'll find yourself at the other side.


Skye said...

Hi Anna,I can relate ..I remember being so desperate for just a little piece of time to myself. Despite all the challenges I just love homeschooling my kids but for now I'm having to let it go and at times I miss it. And with the morning sickness I am definetly going one day at a time. Are you also expecting #5? How along are you? XX Skye.

Anonymous said...

Yes Skye, I'm growing number 5 - all pregnancies have been a surprise, but this one really caught us unawares! I think we already have a wonderful and considerate bubba as I had absolutely no morning sickness at all - unlike all the others. My due date is Aug1, which is looming quickly on the horizon - have to start getting some baby stuff together! It is so easy while it is safe inside isn't it - just growing and feeding and looking after itself! When are you due? ....... Anna